We often look at the people around us, but see only one big label that we ourselves have attached to them. “He doesn’t know who it is! What can we even talk to him about then!”, “God, he’s constantly playing at slotgladiator.com… he must be such a nerd!”, “She gave up so easily. Loser!” – It seems easy enough and not at all difficult to label everyone around you.
Man is so built: he must have an opinion everywhere and on everything, so that he knows how to treat the object in question afterwards. We want to spend our precious time on those things and on those people we like, which is why, on the one hand, such labels are important, but on the other, what to do with those we don’t like? Ignore? Criticize? Condemn?
Causes of Judgmental Behavior in People
Some people tend to boost their self-esteem in this way. You should agree that this is quite easy and does not require much effort. All one has to do is to observe a person for a while, talk to him a little bit, and then catch some of his shortcomings and ridicule him about himself, branding the poor man once and for all.
Surprisingly, it’s this kind of ritual that allows some people to climb to a kind of pedestal and get satisfaction, as if making sure that you yourself look better, prettier, smarter, more beautiful, more well-read, kinder, and so on against the background of these people.
The second reason lies in the personal qualities of people. If a person has an inherent craving for perfection, a perfectionist who loves order around him and spends his time making the most of it, then judgment is the best thing he can bestow on his new acquaintance. People with these traits do tend to label people, but unlike those who do it to improve their own self-esteem, this type will never be able to “remove” their “stigma” or revise their opinions.
The fact is that perfectionists, striving for their ideal, take labels more seriously. They do so for practical reasons, which means that their assessment will be closer to plausible.
Condemnation is also essentially a human defense mechanism. We experience this feeling when we think something is going wrong, and we look for someone to blame. Often we don’t even realize it, that is, we act unconsciously. We try to “disguise” the feeling of anxiety that arises inside when we expect something, but it doesn’t happen. More often than not, we judge people around us when they don’t live up to our expectations.
How to Stop Judging
Now that you have identified the cause of your judgmental behavior, you will easily understand what to do to get rid of this bad habit.
Understand, this action raises your self-esteem only for brief moments. It feels good to feel superior to someone, but after all, you never know if this is really the case. After spending some time with your new acquaintance, whom you so successfully branded, you soon begin to notice that he isn’t such a nerd, and his stupid jokes are funny, and this strange hair gives him some charm, and what a deep knowledge he has in the field of mechanics! Next to such a man it’s difficult to continue to consider yourself witty, beautiful, and intelligent enough, still sitting on the pedestal on which you put yourself not so long ago.
Also, you will never find anything if you spend your whole life looking for your own perfection because it’s usually just an illusion. Learn to be content with what you already have, find the benefit of what you already have available to you. It’s not hard, you just have to learn to put up with the shortcomings of others. Of course, sometimes it seems impossible, and initially you feel in relation to them, nothing but sheer annoyance, but what about the merits of man? Often they outweigh all of his shortcomings. Do not be blind, open your eyes and look at his companion more closely! What if this is your well-disguised ideal?
Stop thinking in terms of clichés. Everyone wants to be loved, and most people feel obligated to show it. For example, to hug us every time we meet, be attentive to mood swings, and kiss us on the cheek when we say goodbye… And if that doesn’t happen, then we allow ourselves the extreme – “read” the thoughts of his friend, convincing ourselves that he does not like you. In fact, there may be a thousand other explanations for this behavior, most of which you wouldn’t even think of.
The main problem may be your own behavior because you are not the only one who is trying to “read minds” of others. Your condescending look that was actually tired, or your arrogant posture that was the result of your little warm-up, as well as many of your other “signs” people around you can read wrong. So don’t allow yourself to be ambiguous and carefully watch your body language, which is as important as your normal speech. Most importantly, never jump to conclusions about other people. Maybe they’re just tired or sleep-deprived today, which is why they were so distracted.
Don’t think through your dialogues in advance, because in reality things will be completely different, and when something doesn’t happen the way we imagine it, we get upset.